Don't Ruin Your Wedding Before You Start - The Top 7 Mistakes Brides Make

by Lin Walker

1. Setting Your Wedding Date Too Soon

You are engaged and so excited. You can't wait to spend the rest of your life with this person you love more than anything in the world. How soon can you get married? Whoa! Let's back up for a moment. Now is the time to enjoy your engagement and now is the time to put all of those dreams you have had since you were a little girl into play and create your dream wedding. This is going to take you literally hundreds of hours. And unless you have unlimited funds and can take a leave of absence from your employment it is best to allow at least six months or longer to plan the most special day of your life.

Let's look at some of the down sides to setting a date within the next couple of months. Have you got your heart set on a particular venue? Is it available and if so - why? Is there something else taking place in the surrounding area at this time?

What about the caterer? A good catering company is booked weeks and months in advance. This also holds true for your photographer, DJ, officiant and all the other people that are going to contribute to the success of your wedding day.

If you wait too long (e.g. too close to your wedding date), there's a strong likelihood that your "vendor of choice" will either be booked already or know they can charge you whatever they want because you're running out of choices and time.

2. Being Careless with your Budget

Weddings are expensive enough in the first place, but can get totally out of hand if you're not extremely careful. It's very easy to get excited about your wedding and start making all kinds of purchases before you've completed a budget. You will be blown away how quickly things add up and if you are not completely on top of things, you are going to end up spending all of your money (or your parent's money) without having half the things your need. Then, if you don't have the money for deposits and final payment deadlines, your wedding will be ruined. Most vendors simply will not deliver or perform unless you have paid in advance. Complete your budget early and keep very accurate records of what you are spending.

Remember just because you are getting married does not mean you are restricted to buying from wedding professionals. Wherever, possible purchase "non wedding" versions of what you need.

Always ask what the vendor's policy is on deposits. As long as it is refundable, you are okay…..but if it is not, NEVER AGREE to it unless you are in a bind and don't have any other choice. (another reason not to set your wedding date too soon). Things can change for any number of reasons and you want to leave as many options open as possible should you change your mind. One of the best ways to protect yourself is to leave deposits on your credit card. You will have a much better chance of getting your money back if you need to dispute the charges on your card than trying to get the vendor to pay you back. You may want to consider getting a new credit card with your fiancé on which you both agree to put all of the costs of the wedding.

When you do finally sign the contract and leave the deposit, ensure your fiancé's name is also on the contract. If for any reason the wedding has to be cancelled you will both be responsible for any charges incurred.

3. Inviting Too Many People

One of the biggest challenges with invites is determining how many people will actually show up. Since your expenses in many cases are determined per head, it is critical for you to plan this well. As a rule of thumb, assume 80% of the people you invite WILL ATTEND. In this day and age, it is not uncommon to have the parents on both sides chip in, which will certainly help you afford more. Nevertheless, your situation is unique to you. Maybe your dad has put aside a certain amount for your wedding and that is all you have. Maybe both sets of parents have agreed to pitch in. OR maybe you and your fiancé are paying for everything yourself.

Whatever your situation, you are facing one of two scenarios - you either have a somewhat flexible budget and need to begin with a guest list to start determining what your costs might be, or you already have a fixed budget from the start and need to back into the guest list.

If you have a fixed budget, you are going to need to back into it and make some difficult choices - i.e. you can only invite 50 guests if you have it at a certain location, or you can have 70 guests if you have a DJ instead of a band etc.

On the other hand, if your budget is more flexible, you can start by determining the absolute minimum number of guests you need to invite and then begin determining the costs from there.

Getting your initial guest list organized is one of the first things you must do because you can't approach most vendors until you know approximately how many guests you are expecting at your wedding. Keep in mind, the number of guests attending is directly proportional to the overall cost of your wedding because each guest requires an invitation, a chair, a place setting, food, drinks, etc. If, for example, the cost per head averages out to $ 100, then ten additional people will cost you $ 1000. These numbers can multiply very quickly, so choose carefully.

As for who makes the final cut, if you are paying for your own wedding, you can basically call the shots as to who needs to be invited. If your parents are paying or contributing to your wedding, then their guest requests are important too. I would recommend a 50/50 split between your friend and your parents' guests and family. Otherwise you are going to have an "old" wedding instead of a "young" fun wedding. The best way to get your list organized is to request a list from each set of parents. Make sure to give them a deadline by which you need to receive their lists, as gathering this information can be quite a tedious task depending on how organized your folks are. As this is not the final list - some people may be cut - make it clear to your folks that they should not call anyone and mention the wedding yet in order to avoid hurting any feelings if they need to be cut.

You and your fiancé will put together a list too. Once you have combined all lists and have a general idea of how many potential guest could possibly attend, it's time to start analyzing your list and cutting down wherever you can. This process can actually be quite emotional - you will experience guilt, confusion and passion around a lot of your choices. When you are putting together your list you will invite your closest friends and family first. After that - invite people who are important in your life today and are going to be important in your life after the wedding. There is a big difference between a friend and an acquaintance, and figuring out who you should invite to your wedding will enable you to see the difference.

Finally, you are not expected to invite people's children to your wedding, nor are you obliged to invite single people with a guest - this is a big $$$ saver.

4. Underpaying Postage on your Invitations

Before you put a single stamp on an invitation, take it down to the post office, and ask them how much postage it will need. Very often, if your invitation is oversized or overweight, it will cost more than the standard stamp. If you have any international addresses, you need to ask how much postage you will need for these as well. In addition, if your invitations are on any kind of custom made paper that varies slightly from invitation to invitation, bring several samples with you to weigh at the post office to insure they are all the same.

Otherwise, you are going to end up getting returned invitations with the big ugly "insufficient postage" stamped all over them in a couple of weeks and will have to redo all those envelopes and waste more money on stamps.

Do not drop your invitations into a mailbox, but take them personally into the post office and ask to have them "hand stamped" for you.

Consider using "postcards" for your reply cards instead of cards and envelopes. It will save you both on the cost of the unnecessary envelope, the original postage as well as return postage.

5. Reserving Guest Hotel Rooms too Late

The last thing you want to happen is all the rooms in town to be sold out for a convention or other event before your guests have time to make reservations. For this reason, "blocking" a large number of rooms for your-out-of town guests well in advance (six months to a year) is a very smart idea. The hotels want your business and you can usually negotiate excellent rates without any guarantee on your part. Always ask if they will throw in the honeymoon suite for FREE for your wedding night.

You don't have to stay there on your wedding night if you are concerned about guest interruptions, however the space is wonderful for you and your attendants to use to get ready for your wedding or for the groom and his attendants. Why not treat your mom and dad or his parents to the suite if you prefer to stay elsewhere?

6. Selecting a Photographer/Videographer

Your photos and the video of your wedding will create a very special memory for you for the rest of your life. Your photos will serve as a reminder of the love and commitment you and your husband share and are something you will leave for your children and grandchildren to remember you by. Pictures only tell half the story though. It's also wonderful to have the entire day captured live on video. The power of music combined with video is like an emotional elixir that takes you right back to the feelings and memories of why you married in the first place. Photos are what preserve your memories and sadly if you do not choose the right photographer these memories can never be redone. Seriously rethink the idea of using your first cousin twice removed in order to save a few $$'s.

To ensure you get the best possible pictures see as many photographers as you can. You will be amazed at the ideas that you get from seeing photos of other people's weddings, so when you are viewing portfolios and albums, look for the things you want and DON"T want. Each photographer has his or her own style and it is important that you find someone who shares your taste so you can be confident you will get what you want.

The more photographers you speak to and the more portfolios that you see, the more knowledge you will gain and the better decision you will make. Always carry a very small notebook with you everywhere to discreetly jot down ideas so you don't forget.

If you want to save a significant amount of money, consider using a non-wedding photographer. In most cases, a good photographer in any field is a good photographer and if you can find one who is not in the "wedding loop" you can get real value for your money. If you choose a non-wedding photographer, I recommend you give them a typed list of the key moments you want to capture - the kiss, garter toss, father/daughter dance, cutting the cake and a timeline for when they are to occur. Make sure to review this list before the wedding so they don't miss any important photos.

Check with other brides and wedding vendors to get references. Gather as much knowledge as you can. Make notes so you can make efficient comparisons. Once you have a list of names, call them up and see who is available for your date and schedule a time to go and see them. Take control of each meeting by letting them know what you want and asking quick and efficient questions. You should know as soon as you begin looking through their portfolio whether you like their work or not. If you don't like what you see, terminate the meeting. Don't waste your time or their time out of a feeling of obligation. If they are not for you, simply tell them they have a different style than you are looking for.

If you do like a photographer's work, you will need to give them a lot of information so they understand what you are about. You will need to let them know as much as you can about the location and let them show you photographs from similar locations so you can see how they shoot these types of weddings.

7. Providing a Timeline for your Wedding Day

A critical ingredient in making your wedding day go smoothly is the "flow" of the day. Nothing kills a wedding faster than a big break in the flow. The better you plan and organize, the greater your chances of having a great flow to your day. It is important to know every detail ahead of time and even though it is unlikely your day will stay perfectly on schedule, as long as the flow is laid out, you will be in good shape.

One of the key itineraries is a flow chart for the entire day of your wedding. It is really worthwhile to all the vendors - caterer, band, photographer etc. as well as family participating in the day so that everyone has an idea of the order and flow in which the day/night will go - from the ice arriving, to the band/DJ setting up, to the father/daughter dance and the cake cutting.

It is also a good idea to break down the main Wedding Day Itinerary into smaller more detailed parts. For example, the breakdown of the ceremony and its flow - from the order of the walking, to the music, to everything that is needed from reserved seats to ceremony programs to flowers.

Your flow chart can begin as soon as you book any of your vendors. Insert the time you have agreed upon for their arrival - from the contract, their contact information etc. and continue to build on this as you make other choices and decisions.

Lastly, it is important to have a contact list for the day of in case anything arises. Copies of this list should be given to all of your vendors.

Final Tip:

If at all possible, take the week off before your wedding to relax and enjoy yourself. Consider booking time for you and your mom and/or best friend to spend a day at a spa. Have lunch together or just hang out. If this is not possible, at least plan on finishing as much as possible the week before your wedding and use the seven days to relax and let all of your hard work fall into place. If you have done a good job of organizing and hiring the right people, they will be able to take over at this point so you are not stressing out. You should be thinking about massages and restful nights' sleep at this point, not dealing with hectic last minute details. In fact if you can afford it, you should definitely consider hiring a "wedding coordinator" to manage your wedding day so you can relax and enjoy yourself. Let them handle the implementation of all the details, put out any fires and make sure your day goes smoothly.

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